Journal d'une psychopathe à la hache. - english

Le cul entre deux chaises, la rose entre deux vases...

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 23:24:00 +0200

I feel like I’m abnormal…

Before I felt I was insane

Now I know, I’m not insane

I’m just abnormal…

A kind of lunatic, a psycho…

Anybody who stand close to my brain

Is up to die in suffer.

‘Cause I’m abnormal !

And, thanks god, I’m the only one of my kind.

The end of the line...

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:06:50 +0200

I came here to fall in love, or to lose the feeling of already felt,

I felt in love with this country, with Boston.

But I knew from the beginin’ that I was just passing thru, that I’ll never stay more than one year.

One year of love, twenty two days left…

And I can’t help thinking I’ll spend it with this tears in my eyes.

I don’t want to came back, I don’t want to stay either.

I think…

I’ll miss Boston

But today I miss my people.

So the point is : No matter what I’ll do, something will be missing in my life, always…

Everybody tell me I’ll get use to it…

But I don’t want to take a hole in my life as a usual thing,

Wake up every morning, look at myself in the miror and just say : « Hi hole ! You grew, didn’t you ? ».

Its in me, in my soul, like if everytime I leave a place, I have to lose something important,

Something whish helped me to breath…

And I’m suffocate again.

And I’ll find another oxygen bottle to breath…but it will be surperficial air

Just survive, no live.

I think…

I’ll miss my life

But today I miss my heart

So the point is : No matter what I’ll hear, something will be losing in my spirit, always…

But I’ll get thru this, I’ll get use to this, like usual…by letting my tears rainning in my cheeks when I’ll be alone, and with a smile with other people…

Stop thinking, take advantage of my last days on this earth…euh…on this country.

If you can just let me the bad new in the porch, I’ll take care of it when I’ll be turning 23 !

I just wanna be you friend...

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:33:26 +0200

We exchanged ours hearts

like a friendship ring...

Not to tight

but so shinny.

We exchanged ours laughts

like a secret laguage...

No to hard

but so ourself.

We exchanged ours mails

like a don't go...

Not to lazy

but so busy.

I gave you my bad temperament

You gave me you sparkle patient

I miss you

You didn't miss me...

Because the bullet is here to stay...

Forever

and

Ever.

For the man of my life, my twin that I know for no such a long time...It always seems like yesterday when I looked at you with my cold mind and you melted my heart.

Love You.

Emptyness

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:22:00 +0200

I have a big hole in my life…I always have it. I thought it was not such a big deal, so I let it be. But it grew and grew and today, it’s a huge hole and it hurt me so hard…I tried to full it with some other dreams, other thinkings, and I got busy to don’t think about the pain. I runaway from my own hole. Now, I know, I have to fix it. To look at him with a needle and say : « I know why you’re here, and I’ll help you to go ». So, please, for few times, don’t bother me…I’m on a heart surgery !!

Lucidity. Obsession. Vanity. Eruption.

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:29:00 +0200

What can I know about love ?

After all, I never had a boyfriend, a real boyfriend !

What can I know about love ?

After all, I’m the only person I ever loved, right ?!

You can't full me!

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:36:00 +0200

I’m just a empty space…

Just that good

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:25:00 +0100

‘’Don't hate me, Cause I'm just that good
A little misunderstood
You made me, so I'm just that good’’

The Calling.

(Accessoirement, j’ai décidé de ne plus m’embêter à jouer avec les décalages horaires alors toutes mes notes seront publiées à l’heure française !)

And I wonder if you ever speak about me sometimes...

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 19:18:00 +0100

Sometimes, I just want to speak with my head : « Hi head, how you’re doing ?

- Shut up ! ».

Anyway, I feel like that.

Like if I don’t know which language I have to chose.

English, French…both ?! No one.

Just shut up !

Sometimes, I just want to speak with my heart : « Hi heart, how are you ?

- Give me a break ! ».

Anyway, I feel like rat.

Like if I don’t know which tear I have to shed.

Happiness, sadness…both ?! None of them.

Just a heartbreak !

Sometimes, I just want to speak with my soul : « Hi soul, how are you going so far ?

- Go get lost ! »

Anyway, I feel like crap.

Like if I don’t know which pain I have to fight.

Mine, others…both ?! Not a few.

Just lost !

Sometimes, I just want to speak…

- Piss off ! »

Anyway, I feel…

Like if I don’t know which judgment I have to belong.

Death, Barely alive…both ?

Just…

Me, my dumps feelings and my stupids sensations…story of my life !

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:40:00 +0100

Feel like the rain, feel like the pain…

I find the hope when I hit the wall…(crash, boom, bang !)

Don’t leave me alone with the fatigue…

I’m so tired…I need to sleep so bad ! I need to sleep so long…and never wake up !

Feeling lonely like the moon in the middle of the stars : i’m fatter, i’m shinier, but, because i’m the only one like me, i’m all on my own !

No plan for my week end ?

Yes, now.

It’s amazing, always keeping the body busy.

See some friends here, a lovely girl from Ukraine…and after two french (less exciting, i confess)

But still…I feel like exausted !

Maybe because of my harder week, maybe because i just did the half of my year here…maybe my vacation are not close enough !

No…I don’t like to lie, hide what I really think…

Homesickness.

I don’t want to come back, I want to hug my friends, my family…kiss them !

Stop pretending everything is perfectly ok, that i do great !

I’m not so fine, I just take feet by feet my mind in my way, my real good way, and let my heart behind.

Just want to came back to my french life, the older me, the one who used to be lightful with her audience of pals, so desperate when she was alone, so alone in the crowd. Am I different ? Am I better ? Am I… ? No i’m not.

I just had to go. I just had to feel awfully lost to be found.

But it’s so hard to be far ! It’s so hard to not turn around !

To feel strong enough to keep going…

I will not ask you to help me, to conforte me, I speaking only because…

Feel like singing in the pain.

Peanuts, everybody is looking for something !

Sweet dreams

Too much teenage movie, kill the teenage spirit...or not!

noreply@ (Peanuts) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 21:25:00 +0100

I don’t expect nothing from men

Because I did a lot of mistakes before

I lost a lot of ocasion to be happy

Because I ran.

And when I realised that I was the one who didn’t see

The blind one

It was to late, nobody was running after me anymore

So I don’t expect nothing now

Because I know what men are not brave enough for me

At some point they just stop running after me.

And I will not blame them.

Who want to run after the wind ?

But, too much heartbreaks kill the heart.

And I don’t want to die.

So i give a smile, i give a lie…

A truth hopeless of happiness

But no more my heart

Because men stop running with it in they hands

And just trash it in the way

In the middle of the horse pee, of the mud

For the cars to pass by.

I’m tired to have to use another one

To wash the other one, flush in the toilet

I just have enough

So I don’t expect anything from men

But good health and good shoes

And if someone finally catch me

It will be after a long time of running

So, if you are interested…start now

And maybe someday

I will fall